They say time heals all pain.
I would say that is only true if you know how to feel pain in the first place.
For me, my go-to is to allow the business of life to numb the pain of losing someone close. For so long, I would busy myself to avoid the pain; I wouldn’t allow myself to feel the emotions. I would pack up things that reminded me of them to avoid thinking of them daily.
But when the subsequent loss happens, the feelings compile from the previous losses. When the news is received, it hurts deeper because a single wall has held back years of hurt and pain. A wall that eventually comes crashing down because you never dealt with the very first hurt.
Shortly before my divorce and for a couple of years after it, I cried a lot. The crazy thing was I was the one who asked for the divorce, so you wouldn’t necessarily think I would have grieved so intensely. But when they tell you it’s a lot like mourning a death, believe it. It’s true.
I was mourning the loss of 13 years of my life with someone I thought I would spend forever with. I was mourning the loss of our family and the “together” we were supposed to be as we enjoyed watching our son grow up together. I was mourning the fantasy I had concocted in my head that we were a happy family because the reality was that we had many happy times. Unfortunately, the toxicity outweighed the happiness.
But the more I felt my feelings and sat in the pain, I began to heal. I needed to feel the pain. I needed to drop my son off at school and come home, lay on the couch, and cry until I had nothing left in me.
I needed to emotionally eat my way through the days sometimes, especially when I still had to go to work and photograph couples in love on their wedding day. I am still not sure how I managed to get through that part.
The pain was substantial, but I didn’t let it define me; if anything, I allowed it to motivate me. I recognized my part in the failure of the marriage and used my pain to better myself.
It’s inevitable…the pain, that is.
We live in a fallen world, and until our Savior comes back for us, we will experience loss, people will hurt us, we will hurt ourselves, and we will most likely hurt others. But I want to challenge you: feel the feelings, pain, or joy.
You are not meant to live life in a paralyzed state of numbness.
Whether you’ve experienced the death of a family member or close friend, been through or are currently walking through a divorce, had a miscarriage, a business failed, foreclosed on a house, or any other of the life-altering moments that hurt, KEEP PUSHING.
Push through the tears, the sorrow, and the crushing chest pressure. Press into the Lord, let Him walk alongside you, and even carry you through the season of hurt. Thankfully, His mercies are new every day.
“Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for his mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness!”
